Partial source code of the Matrix

Some sections of the source code of the Matrix was clandestinely revealed to me yesterday by a mole amongst the gods. Here it is. I am revealing it at great personal risk. So, please make good use of it.

// Partial but crucial sections of the program for life of person X


void main()
{

X.body = new body;
X.enlightened = X.awakened = FALSE;
X.ego = random (1, MAX_EGO);

while (X.ego)
{

while (X.body)
{
update_ego (&X.ego, X.enlightened, X.awakened);
X.body -= random(1, X.body.life_remaining());
is_enlightened (&X.enlightened);
is_awakened (&X.awakened);
}

delete X.body;
X.body = new body;
X.enlightened = X.awakened = FALSE;

}

print "X is back amongst the gods";
return 0;

}


update_ego(ego, enlightened, awakened)
{

if (enlightened)
ego = 0
else if (awakened)
ego--
else
ego += random(-1, 1);

}

Rivaldo sai desse Lago

Was editing some wikipedia articles and somehow landed up editing the article of Prabhu Deva. In its talk page, I found this unbelievable piece of info.

A dance by Prabhu Deva for the song 'Kallori vaanil' from the tamil movie 'Pennin Manathai Thottu' has become a crazy hit amidst the brazilian youtubing community. Check out the following video. More than 800000 views and more than 1000 comments :D. I am stunned!!!!



Another Indian video that is similarly famous is the song 'golimar' from the telugu movie 'Donga'. The actor here is Chiranjeevi. This video has been uploaded many many times by people of different nationalities. Across multiple uploads, this too has more than 500000 views!!!!!



Hail Prabhu Deva!!! Hail Chiranjeevi!!!

Modern Purananooru

Purananooru is an ancient work in tamil. It is a collection of 400 poems by different authors. Poem 192 by 'Kaniyan Poongundran' is the most famous amongst the 400. It famously states 'yaathum oore, yaavarum kelir' i.e. 'all towns are my hometown, all of humanity are my brethren'. This work is a modern adaptation of that work. Unless you know that poem, the following will not make sense. Apologies if this does not make sense to you. The translation is given below but the attempted humor might be lost if you don't know tamil and the original poem.

yaathum probleme, yaavarum supervisore
proofum resultum pirar thara vaara
vetti time passum super workum avarro ranna
aapu puthuvathu anre
result inithu ena magizhthandrum ilame
neervazhi paduvum punaipol
gradlife supervisor muraivazhi paduvum
enbathu pazhutha grad student kaatchiyin thelinthanam aagalin
publish seitha periyorum grad studentae
publish seiyatha siriyorum grad studentae


Everything's a problem, all are supervisors
Proofs and results don't come from others
False work or true work is a personal choice
Being scowled at by all and sundry is nothing new
Results don't make us go overbaord
The river predestines the path of the boat
Similarly, supervisor predestines the path of the grad student
Thus, have we seen in visions of experienced grad students
Hence, thou art a grad student if thou publish
even better, thou still art a grad student if thou publish not

Mad JAT* disease

I have been infected by this by a jat here. Pasting a conversation that I had recently with the jat. I feel sorry for myself.

Anjali: tell me
Anjali: who comes first
Anjali: egg or chicken?
Partha: neither
Anjali: both
Partha: hehe.. how??
Anjali: chicken has egg in his hand
Anjali: so problem solved
Anjali: both come first
Partha: wow!!!! but if chicken has egg in its hand, then howz it standing
Partha: it cant stand on one leg right
Anjali: ya but can fly
Partha: then egg wil fall and break
Partha: so then chicken will only come first right??
Anjali: hey if u will fly and have something in ur hand
Anjali: u will held it properly
Anjali: with both hands
Partha: no... coz the nearby chicken will throw stone at it
Partha: so it will srop the egg
Partha: *drop
Anjali: hey it takes time to become chicken from the egg
Anjali: and god did't send whole gang of chickens
Anjali: only one with egg
Partha: ok so then the cow might throw
Partha: cows dont like flying chickens
Anjali: why?
Anjali: cow will not have problem
Anjali: bcz cow does't have wings
Partha: but they dont like chickens.. especially flying ones
Anjali: why?
Anjali: and who told u
Anjali: and if cow knows ..how to throw stone then no one will cut the cow
Partha: the cow that u renamed as chicken
Partha: told me
Partha: that it doesnt like chickens
Partha: from the day u renamed it
Anjali: ya
Anjali: but this cow came later from that egg
Partha: is that egg.. cows egg or chickens egg?
Anjali: u decide
Anjali: what do u think?
Partha: hmmm... I think its a stone egg.. made to cheat us
Anjali: no
Anjali: never
Partha: hmmm.. how do you know?
Partha: who told you?
Anjali: otherwise we will never have chickens on earth
Anjali: ok listen
Anjali: chicken( feamale) comes with egg
Anjali: that egg becomes male
Anjali: and then both of them produce others
Partha: wow!!!!! u need to given a phd in biology for this
Anjali: thanks
Anjali: i know
Anjali: i don't know ...........why people are always confused abt the concept of ....who came first
Anjali: chicken or egg
Partha: they are all stupid
Partha: those who are confused
Anjali: ya see
Partha: they should consult Dr.Anjali Singh
Anjali: ya
Anjali: tell them


If you are wondering that who the two idiots having the conversation are, one is a masters student and the other is a phd student. Thats how grad students are.. if you didnt know!!!!

* If you dont know what a JAT is, u r at safe distance. Good. Keep it up.

Theoretician

The only breed of researchers who can stare at the full moon for hours together and mentally compare it to their sweet hearts face but still claim to be working aka formulating theorems. Blessed ones indeed. :D

Andar raho Munnabhai

Munnabhai munnabhai
25 grenades munnabhai
3 AK-56 munnabhai
Achcha nahee munnabhai
Andar raho munnabhai

Munnabhai munnabhai
Terrorism munnabhai
Log martein munnabhai
Bada problem munnabhai
Andar raho munnabhai

Munnabhai munnabhai
Jhoot math bhol munnabhai
Chah saal socho munnabhai
Mafee maango munnabhai
Fir baahar aavo munnabhai

Sivaji - The Buss*

Coming straight to the point, the movie was good. It was definitely not horrible. But, it was nowhere close to being great. Unfortunately, that is the minimum standard one expects from a Rajni flick. So, for all the hype that was created and for all the big names that the movie was made up of, Sivaji was more buss than Boss.

There were many things that I didnt like in the movie to varying degrees.

a.) Stalking - I hate movies that glorify stalking. This was a big turn off for me. The fact that every movie has its share of stalking is no justification. They are all wrong too and so is this (I still remember absolutely hating 7G rainbow colony while it seemed the whole world liked it). Stereotypical of stalking, the heroine falls for the hero after he spends significant time and money on stalking her. That was just too ridiculous for me to accept. To me, any possibility for this movie to have been great was dashed straight away.

b.) Comedy / seriousness mix - One major attraction in Rajni movies is the supposed power he wields and his dominance over his adversaries. Mixing comedy with such scenes is pretty stupid and robs the Rajni movie of the element that makes them the Rajni movie. For e.g., the scene were Rajni moves the villains documents in and out of the income tax office.

c.) Dance - Please Rajni, please. Please do not attempt to dance any more. While Shriya/Nayantara (Nayantara was surprisingly slim. Took a few seconds to recognize her) were elegance personified in their movements, Rajni had his foot rooted to the ground and made some ridiculous movements of his other body parts. It was horrible.

d.) Shriyas cleavage - For some reason, Sankar decided to have Shriyas cleavage displayed in almost every other scene she was there. Its nice and hot a few times but felt it was a bit of a overkill. The human anatomy is public knowledge and everyone knows how every part of her body will look like. Also, with skinflicks being the norm these days, these things are just a distraction for a Rajni movie.

e.) Too artificial settings - For some reason, I found the song backgrounds to be too artificial. I almost felt that the mountain and the grass were painted. I think this totally screwed the 'Ballelaika' song. I had great expectations for it after hearing to the audio.

f.) Contrived fight sequences - Some fight scenes were very contrived and I seriously got bored.

g.) Stupid ideas - Ideas like... 'ippudi irukura unga ooru, ippudi aayidum'.. & 'tamil nadum america'... are just downright stupid. Pouring tonnes of asphalt and concrete on our surroundings does not imply 'growth and development'. They also come with a tremendous environmental cost. Its not enough just for us to live happily here. Our sons/daughters, grandsons/granddaughters etc... should also be able to live reasonably here. While, I appreciate the intention of the director, I dont quite agree on his notion of development (which incidentally is the notion of a vast majority of people).

h.) Dumbed down finances - Mr. Shankar - you are no P.Chidambaram. Don't dumb down things in order to make it palatable to the masses. Black money is not as simple as you say and a plan displayed over the course of a few frames during the credits at the end is not gonna work in a country with a population more than 1 billion. Still, the desire of the director could be noted and appreciated.

While, the above list seems long enough to call the movie a junk, thats definitely NOT the case. There are quite a few nice things also. The Rajni charisma and persona saved the day in the second half while the Vivek one liners were amazing in the first half. Shriya was HOTTTTTTT. Some of the dialogues were pretty good. For e.g., 'Panni thaan da kootama varum, Singam thaniya thaan varum' was awesome. The delivery was also amazing. Imitation of many past/present co-artists was also pretty good. 'Billa Ranga Basha thaan' songs' visual sequences were pretty nice. Lastly, I especially liked the last fight sequence. Yes, it was a copy of Matrix but it was not a cheap imitation. Rajni could impose his persona and style on it and was able to pull it off in style. It was quite elegant and nice to watch.

Guess, the idea of taking the middle path between a Shankar movie and a Rajni movie backfired a little. It was like going to a very costly restaurant where out of fear that absolutely nothing should go wrong, the chef cooks it in a fashion that leaves you wondering why it doesnt taste as good as some way more cheaper restaurant even though almost everything in the food seem right.

Overall, it was good but not great.

* Idea from KG. (not from his post but obtained while talking to him)

Sivaji

Got the idea from here. Liked it a lot :D

What better way to watch Rajinikanth's latest movie, Sivaji: The boss, than by going to a theatre and shouting 'Thalaivaaaaaaaaaaaaa', thus taking your vocal chords to their limits. Not to mention the deafening whistles from all the die hard fans, getting all covered in the bits of paper being strewn, watching aarti being performed inside the theatre to the image on the screen and outside the theatre to his cutout and watching the fans swear at the villain for his excesses against rajinikanth's near and dear ones in the movie. Unfortunately, I wont get to do/see any of it here. Boohoo :( !!! This one, hopefully last, time I have to endure watching a Rajini movie silently with a lot of artifical decorum like the spectators in a lords cricket test match of the bygone eras.

Lots of stuff to post about...

but honestly very little time... So, the best I can do now is to at least mention some of the topics that I'd like to post about...

1.) Is this a valid justification?
http://www.rediff.com/news/2006/dec/05guest.htm?q=np&file=.htm

The perfect example of specious argumentation, sophistry etc... Caste based discrimination is indeed a terrible stain on the Indian society. Also, the prevalent economic disparity amongst the various castes is extremely deplorable but that can never justify violence.

2.) 40 richest Indians
http://www.forbes.com/2005/12/15/india-richest-40_05india_land.html

What does this really mean? That they are the modern day moguls who can get anything done anywhere on earth? or is it that they are amongst the most respected in their society due to this? or is it that they lead the most happiest and healthiest lives amongst their contemporaries? or, considering the fact that the total amount of money available in a society is more or less constant, do they perennially carry the stain of being a symbol of the class of people that directly / indirectly holds a huge section of humanity in perpetual hunger and poverty?

3.) Whats the big difference between the money obtained by exercising a few internal cells and a few external cells?
If all work I do is for gaining money, what is the difference between myself and a prostitute? I sell the capabilities of my internal cells and he/she sells the capabilities of some external cells? So, are both right? or are both equally wrong and despicable? or is only one of them right? If so, which one and why? I have no clue whatsoever.



With my recently acquired skills in writing a proper commentary on a topic, not basing it on assumptions and instinct, but on reasonably concrete proof and other related work, I hope to write on atleast one of the above. Mostly it will be about 2. But thats not gonna happen before the coming 20th.

The adventures continue

Me: Hey ***, I think we should do something about this...
***: About what?
Me: This program.. I dont think I can do it all by myself.. I am sure you are trying your best.. but unfortunately.. that isnt enough.. So far, this double work has not been affecting me too much.. but I need to start working on my term projects.. I simply cannot afford to spend so much time on this..
***: OK, Ill learn programming in 2 weeks
Me: Well.. It is not possible for you to learn programming in 2 weeks... Its an art.. like dance or music.. you can learn C syntax.. but programming? you cannot do it...

** is silent for some time.. Goes out for a walk and comes back...

***: You are so rude
***: You are condescending
***: You boss around so much and do not know proper etiquette
***: Take it from me that if you talk like this in company meetings you will be thrown out.
***: blah blah blah


Well my adventures in Canda are continuing. After being comically accused earlier I was accused pretty seriously by someone of being rude and having a condescending attitude. This happened in pretty dramatic fashion, with blood shot eyes and a loud voice. All this, for pointing out to the person that he/she cannot learn programming in two weeks. I just cant understand how on earth can someone learn programming in two weeks. You can learn C syntax in two weeks but not programming. Its an art like dance or music. It takes time to learn it. I guess the ego couldnt take it and resulted in me listening to a mindless rant for a few hours.

This event actually provides evidence for a hypothesis that I had for many years. Many people often say that westerners are very polite and thats not the case with people in India. Westerners say sorry and thank you for everything. They keep the door open when you go behind them and stuff like that. I had actually had serious reservations about this. When you say sorry and thank you for every damn thing, the word looses its meaning. Its like the air hostesses saying thank you. They dont mean it. When you dont mean it, why say it? Behind this facade of politeness lies a gargantuan ego which hisses its head like a rattle snake at the slightest hint. I am not trying to say that all Indians are buddhas or anything of that sort. I just want to say that the proportion of people who are actually polite and who are not is pretty much same all over the world. Putting up a facade of politeness for the sake of it is very artifical and does not make one gentle and is not necessary. If someone doesnt keep the door open for me, I can do it myself. I am happy as long as the other person does not prevent me from opening the door :)

No More Junk

After deep contemplation, have come to the conclusion that most of the blogs that I have posted so far are junk. I can hear a couple of guys saying "Not most, dear Partha. All of them are junk". Yeah, may be. But thats not important. Whats more important is that I've decided to stop blogging shit and instead blog stuff that make sense to the sensible minds.

To start with let me provide the link to a nice article.

http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/06_04/b3968001.htm

Check this out when you find the time. A bit long but a nice article about how maths and computer science together are gonna play a great role in defining our lives in the future. If you are a techie, you should probably like this.

Random Thoughts

I had a slew of different experiences over the past few days. It was quite thought provoking {and one was hormone provoking too :) }. Dont know what to write about.. has been some time since I blogged.. so this junkier than the usually junk blogs describing those blogs... :) All those who are in need of a good sleep.. please read this...

Job Description
---------------------
My job involves the maintenance of a network monitoring application. So you get to work on application development using C++, JAVA etc and at the same time get good exposure to the funda behind different facets of networking. There was a conversation regarding this with one of my friends which just goes to show how the same thing can be viewed in such contrasting fashion by two different people.

friend: hey machhi, how are you... wassup da? how are things going for you at work
yours truly: good da.. just started to come to grips with work... was at sea for the past 6 months.. the shore is kind of visible now.. :)
friend: what kind of work da.. it sure would be pretty high funda as u had always wanted from college
yours truly: actually no.. not quite. i work on. (and all the blah blah stuff explaining the nature of my work)
friend: that sure sounds exciting da.. you develop applications for some of the advanced networking technologies.. you get to learn C++ / JAVA / DB stuff etc.. and also get to know a lot of networking stuff... the best of both worlds da.. your truly becoming a software engineer da.. tech stuff and programming.. that sure sounds like my dream job da.. truly....
yours truly: hey hey.. cool it machchi.. your are calling me a software engineer... I never said I develop software.. i only maintain software.. so i should not be calling myself a software engineer.. Software Mechanic is probably more like it... :)
friend: hmmmm.....
yours truly: and what more you call it the best of both worlds... man.. you really have a taste that is the direct opposite of mine.. i say i am becoming a jack of all trades and a master of none... :).. so you can say i am kind of becoming a Technological Eununch... :)

Here wE GO
-----------------
OK Dog, stop sneering. No, I have NOT plagiarized your blog. Have flicked only the title.

Ego is like just every other creation in nature. Too little of it and there is a problem and too much of it and again there is a lot of problem. Too little of it and you get trampled by every tom dick and harry and too much of it, you start swaggering around and take your foot of the ground.

Here are excerpts from a conversation that I had with a couple of friends that made me put on the black hat (refer to the 6 thinking hats by edward de bono to understand this). Each one of us has the urge to proove to the world that we are better than the rest in some form. This is especially pronounced in tamilians. We always try to project the goodness in us or something related to us and contrast it with that is not quite perfect in some other thing not related to us. This ones an excerpt from a talk that I had with my friend of mine working in infy. I found this funny more than anything else.

XYZ: Hi da, hows work at HCL
yours truly: Decent da. Starting to find my foot. Was at sea all along in understanding the project and stuff...
XYZ: Why da, wasnt there a proper induction process into the team
yours truly: it was there man but kind of was not perfectly implemented. everyone was busy with their issues and it could not be done completely.. obviously i am also to blame.. didnt pressurize people...
XYZ: see da.. infylelam.. there is a process for everything... infy is about processes... what this shows there is no proper training process there... I think that is lacking in HCL....
yours truly: illa da... appudi illa.. HCL is a 2billion dollar company.. no company worth can grow to 2 billion dollars without process...
XYZ: no da.. you see in infy.. we ensure that everything follows processes... process is the key.. we bill customers for the processes.. they will pay as they get quality.. in infy.. blah blah..
your truly: hmm... it depends on the people... the manager.. the customer.. circumstances.. everything da. may be everything is pucca in your team but not necessasary elsewhere...
XYZ: dei in infy.. we are like... blah blah blah.. you know in infy we blah blah blah

:).. infy is a great organization.. no doubt. its a truly inspirational organization with a living legend at its head.. but so is the case with many other companies.. to compare anything and everything someone says with what is done in infy is, I feel, nothing but to project how things are done better in infy.. not necessasay :)

The previous snippet was a very mild case of more EGO than necessasary.. perfectly accepteable.. there in no offence in that.. atleast to me. But the second conversation that I had with someone else was really really very irritating.. a truly bad case of a monstrous EGO...

This guy used to work in the same place where I work today.. but his job profile was different.. he worked on the software that goes into the devices for which I develop application software.. we were travelling together somewhere and the topic of conversation somehow came towards the salaries of a lot of our friends.. now this guy has left our organization for another one with a salary hike of above 200%...

yours truly: sarav is cool today da.. he is now earning a lot da.. hes the highest earning member in our class...
ABC: hmmmm...
your truly: has really left everyone else out in this da.. kalasittan.. very happy for him..
ABC: How much does he earn da?
yours truly: Rs.$***** per annum da.. close to two lakhs more than I :)
ABC: So what da.. you know what kind of work I do... you know how much I get... RS. ($+1)***** per annum da...
yours truly: hmmmm... :)
ABC: What kind of junk work are these people doing.. developing useless applications for some useless
organizations.. the kind of work that I do is simply unbelievable.. those people cant even imagine, let alone understand, such high funda tech work that I do.. I work directly on switches and routers.. do they know the spelling of networking... I am an expert in that.. all they can say that they are experts in JAVA.. yuk...
your truly: ok da.. you do what you like.. application people do what they like.. whats the big deal...
ABC: true da.. but they can even compare their work to mine.. for this useless work they will go onsite and do even more useless work.. we are engineers and should give work to our brains da..
yours truly: come on da...
ABC: and for this my uncles and all ask if I cant go onsite.. how can they ask such a question da.. and they are saying my work is not good enough to go there.. useless people.. what do they know.. see da.. in exactly 7 years.. ill be a green card holder... these application people.. hahahaha.. cant even hope to do anything technically tough in life..

I was about to pewt.. If there are two things that I cant stand on this earth, they are hypocrisy and a monstrous EGO... I immediately distance myself from such people.. Here is someone who is greatly affected by the fact that people working in Infy / CTS / TCS etc.. are going onsite and he is not able to.. is very worried that he is not earning enough despite having an insanely high salary... and all the crap that he dished out was becoz of that.. in any case.. I really pit him..
ABC, your life will never be happy.. do things that make you happy.. and never compare... it kills your happiness... your life is not a businees with others' life as competitors...


An open letter to ........
-----------------------------
Dont know who you are and where you are now... but it was great staring at you for two hours from such close quarters :D and getting stared at occasionally too ;)

yaannokkum kaalai nilannokkum nokkakaal
thaannokki mella nagum

This is a wondeful saying from thiruvalluvars magnum opus thirukural. It so beautifully captures the events happening between two people who are mutually attracted for the first time. I understood the real meaning of this last friday when we were travelling via inter city express from katpadi to chennai :)

you certainly had an awesome smile..... an awesome awesome smile that floored me many a times in those two hours.. if only I had a bit more gumption I would have talked to you.. but being the useless guy that I am, I did nothing and am writing it now here...

anycase, hope to meet you someday somwhere again... i repeat... "You have one AWESOME smile"...

Gnaybagam Varuthe Gnyabagam Varuthe - 2

The rustic chemical engineer whom I had mentioned about in earlier post did something based on an extraordinary piece of logic that resulted in us all really swearing at him. The ususal practice in our house is that the person leaving the house last should ensure that all the lights in the house are switched off. That particular day this was not done and hence the 60watts philips bulb in the rest room was burning all day. This fellow came home at about 7 and wanted to use the rest room. He entered the rest room and saw that a frog was sitting on the bulb holder. He thought of various methods of getting rid of the frog. Finally he decided the most potent weapon to accomplish this monumental task and using that got rid of the frog.

There were four of us staying in that house. The remaining three of us were from the same class and we all returned to the house at 9. It was a decent neighbourhood and hence the roads were all well lit. The only dark spot on that road was our house. We assumed that our room mate had not come and we switched on the lights but nothing came on. Cursing the EB we went to the terrace. There we saw our room mate. I quickly went over to him and asked him if he had reported this to the EB.

"illa da, ithukellam EB vendam... I will take care of that myself. fuse poirukku avalavuthaan"

"fuse poirichcha. eppudi pochchu?"

"toilet bulb vedichiduchchu da"

"ennathu.... eppudi da"

"athuva.... oru thavalai toilet bulb mela irunduchcha, naan atha veratarthukaga"

"atha veratarthukakga... enna da panne, bulb eppudi vedichchuthu?"

"athukaga, athu mela thanni oothinen da....."

"#$#$%#%#%#$%^#$%^#$%"

"Dei treat eppo da kudupa..........??"

"ethuku treat"

"ethuka??? US porada naaye... moodikittu treat kuduthuttu po"

"Athellam oru mayirum kuduka mudiyathu. odi po"

"dei naaye, nee treat kudukalena... flight kalambum pothu, kaka oru wingla mattum pee poi flight kavunthudum da"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

ABC (for want of a better alias for this guy, let me call him ABC) had always wanted to sing in the college culturals. He didnt possess a golden voice or something but certainly did possess a decent voice and a good music sense... till his second year his senios always superceded him and he never got a chance to perform... but on this occasion he was in his third year and hence he was going to sing...

This friend of mine was a nice friend of ABC and ABC had requested him to be in the auditorium when he sang...

I walked into my friends room.... "Dei enga da saapidalam, messuliya... inniku special VIT bomb... (thats what we called our idli)"

"Venam da... athaan ECE dept culturals nadakuthula, we will go there and eat"

So we strolled upto the canteen and started to munch some stuff....

ABC is practicing hard his favourite song and wants his rendition to be widely applauded.... but they say fate is not without a sense of irony... there is this final year guy who has also not got a chance to sing from his first year and hence he goes to the organizer of the event..

Half way thru our dinner my friendly suddenly said.... "man look at that babe there.. intha hindikara ponnunga vanthalum vanthanga, college kala kattiduthu po... dei methuva saapidunga da... we should not finish before them"

"Dei organizer... I am a final year student and i will be leaving the college in 6months... I want to sing and you better gimme a change, illati magane nee seththe"... and he had a lot of hooligans around him and the organizer was visibly scared... seeing this the hooligans increased their volume and started shouting at him again..

After a sumptous meal, none of us could get up..."Anegama nalaiku kalaila vellore sewage block thaan ninaikaren"... that was my friend....

"uhum... athu varaikum thaangathu... naan ingaiye orama"...

"Dei naaye s****** mooduda"

"Naanum atha thaan da try panren.. mudiyala... athaannnnn"

"thu, echchakla naaye.. professionals mathiriya pesareenga"

"thoda, vanthutaru, cisco employee"

The organizer went to his staff and told about the problem... the staff was also a bit perturbed about this... "OK, after two more events ABC has to sing right... he is only a third year guy, lets chuck him out..."

"paavanga avan, 2 weeksa practice panittu irukaan"

"enna panrathu... enakkum kashtamthaan irukku... but we dont have a choice"

"Oh shit... I forgot da... ABC is singing today and he wanted me to come... f***, i better run now"

"Dei odatha da.. vazhiliye vanthuda poguthu.."

"hahahahaahahahahahahahaha".. we laughed at the way he ran to the audi

"ABC, I have to talk to you do da"

"Sollu da machcchan"

"Dei... athu vanthu.. you cannnot sing today da...."

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"seniors galata panraanga da... one of their guys want to sing"

"f*** you da..... and you are culturals tooooooooo"

My friend is running towards the audi i.e. he assumes he is running... it is more like the tortoises slow walk....

before he could reach the audi or talk to anyone he sees ABC coming towards him... then he says to me...

"shit da partha, i didnt hear him singing... he will be upset... i am going to just say he sang greatly.. just play along..."

"Hey machchan.... it was simply excellent da... seriousa da.. i dont have words to describe that song da... too good....

SPB intha paata padatti... nee thaan da itha padirukkanum.. seriousa da machchan, en kathule innum ithu olichikitte irukku da...

you are indeed blessed by god da... you posses such a wonderful voice.. do build on this da... appudiye uttudathe"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"yen da onnume solla maatengara... naan joke adikala da.... meyyalume summa nachchunu irunthuchchu...."

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

From katpadi station to vellore there is a straight route and there is a circuitous route... and whenever we goto katpadi station we hear all these bus conductors shouting and inviting you to their buses.... it is rather like coaxing you to come to their buses... I was walking with the master of kadi from inside of the station to outside...

"Sir vaanga sir vaanga.... vaanga sir vaanga.. vellore polam sir, inta busla vaaanga sir"...

the master of kadis reply... "ennamo koopitu vechchu sappadu potu ponnu kuduka pora mathiri illa koopadareenga"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

"Dei naaye, mooditu vaada... adichchu gidichchu vekka poranga da".... I was already pissing in my pants... these bus fellows are indeed dangerous

"Nera vellore, vera vellore".. this bus was not taking the circuitous route... he is taking the straight route...

Master of kadi sprang into action again... "Nera pona railway station buildingla muttidumga, velloreku thirimbi poganum.. ithu kooda theriyam bus otareenga..."

I ran out of the station...

Will try to continue.... :)

Gnyabagam Varuthe Gnyabagam Varuthe - 1

Statutory Warning: This post contains some of the utterances of my friends during our college days and when we were in our hostel. So the post will contain utterances and references to things that are objectionable in public. If you consider such thinks offensive, then please do not proceed further with this post.

I had a great last weekend. I made a trip to Tirupathi with a couple of good old friends. The trip was very spiritual and we had loads of fun. It was basically a trip to Tirupathi and hence there was no dearth of spiritually. My friends who accompanied me are great entertainers and hence there was absolute no dearth of fun. It was a great trip in all. We managed to recollect some truly funny, rather hilarious moments during our college days. Just thinking of it made us all nostalgic, and of course, laugh like mad. Im penning down some of those events that came to our mind. Obviously these are timing jokes which were extremely funny at the moment they were delivered. They might not be as funny now but rest assured that at the moment they were told we were all laughing like mad.

CS people were all huddled in a room and trying seriously to make sense of this thing called Linux. In comes this rustic chemical engineer in the making and asks one guy in the room.

"Dei, ennada ippudi ulunthu ulunthu padikireenga"

"Linux da, nalaiku test irukku"

"Oh..."

After thinking on it for some time.

"Appo LineY eppo padipeenga"

"#$%^&*&^%$#"

The master of kadi in our circle wakes up at 6AM itself on a vernal sunday morning. In comes his mech class mate. Only yesterday was he badly bruised by one of masters' super kadis which left him speechless for close to an hour. He should have learnt his lesson but unfortunately...

"Dei, yen da athukulla elunthutte..."

"Kosu bayangarama kadikithu da... thoongave mudiyilla"

Suddenly a brainwave comes to this guy and he wants to get even with the master....

"Kosuku thaan palle kidaiyathe, athu unna eppudi kadikkum"

The master gives a big grin... which is a very very bad sign for the listener

"Seruppuku kooda thaan pallu kidaiyathu... athu kadikale... athu mathiri thaan"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They say dont count your chickens before they hatch. A very apt saying in todays world were people start building castles in the air. One of my friends was having a conference on yahoo messenger with a couple of his friends. They were all discussing about their future amongst other things. Suddenly one guy got carried away and started to talk a lot. This was the response he got as reply from my friend.

"Dude, lets not count the baby monkeys before the mother monkey gets f***ed"

Yahoo messenger could not bear this and it closed the conference!!!

Many of my close friends are from the department of EIE and all of them had a great working relationship with one of their staff. One of these EIE guys was quite a lazy bum in college. He was also a kind of very concerned about the cleanliness of his undergarments and steadfastly refused to wear one that was not washed. He had about 10 pairs of undergarments so as to compensate for his laziness. But one weekend, his laziness got the better of him and he didnt wash any of them. So he didnt have any to wear the next day to college. So he decided to bunk classes that day.

The staff, whom these guys were very close with, noticed his absence and enquired about him to one of his room mates, who was also from EIE.

Now this room mate was under specific instructions to inform the staff that the lazy bum was ill. He nodded his head from pole to pole while in the room but the moement she asked the question he decided to tell otherwise.

"Mam, He has no underwears to wear to college today. So he is on leave!!!!!!!"

You can imagine the expression on the her face when she heard this!!!

If you did your B.E. from Madras University then youd certainly be aware of the marking system. Well, it cannot be described in one word. In fact, all the expletives in the dictionatry would not suffice to describe that. A truly patheric marking system. One can really feel the truth in this only when one has really been hit by it. One of my close friends from EIE was hit by that marking system as New Orleand was hit by Katrina.

This friend of mine is also from the EIE department. He was a CS student in school and hence the stupid Madras University syllabus was a cake walk for him. He used to coach everyone in class. He was also quite confident after the exams. The results came in after the sem holidays. Whilst everyone whom he coached above 80 , he got....

2.

Yes. you read that right. he got 2 out of 100. Just 2 marks out of 100. Unbelievable it was, for all of us. The guy who literally copied his paper verbatim for 15 '2 mark' questions got 62.

Guess, youd agree. It is highly difficult or rather highly impossible to score 2 out of 100 in those stupid Madras University exams. Obviously, he was very dejected and shattered. He was sitting on his bed in his room and all of his friends were sitting around him and were trying to console him.

There were various theories that people were inventing to console him.

"Dei, it is probably 72 or 82. etho oru ***** vaayan, thappa potturapan. Nee retotaling apply pannu machchi, ellam seriya poirukkum" - this was his class mate

"Amam da... it should be 72 or 82. probably even 92", said another guy

"illati they might have failed to add up all the page totals", opined another

"illa etho oru kammanati, first page totala eduthu pottu iruppan" - this was from the guy who copied from him.

His room mate who was silent all this while, starts...

"illa da, athu 12aa kooda irukalam, 22aavum irukalam... "

"!#$%^#$!%^%%$$!%%^%$!"

This one did not happen in my college but took place in my friends college. There was a guy in my friends class who had a big crush on a female in his class. This was the end of 7th semester. He was very depressed at the thought of the sem holidays coz he wont be able to see her for close to a month. After pushing over that one month with great diffculty he came running to class for the first day of his 8th semester in college to talk to his sweet heart. But, as usual, she did not reciprocate any of his feelings right through last sem. This sem she went a step further. The first thing she did this sem was to distribute her marriage invitation to everyone. And of course she gave it to our hero too. He was sitting red faced right through the morning sessions. Then he ran to the hostels during the morning interval. He came back after 30 minutes. The class was already in place and the next lecturer was taking classes.

A deadly silence descended on the class when they all looked at him. The lecturer who normally does not stop talking even for a second went silent. Everyone was looking at him. The girl who gave the invitation was almost on tears.

He walked into the class in slow motion. Stood in front of the girl for some time that seemed like ages and then walked to his place with a big grin on his face. The lecturer who didnt quite know what to do all along finally mustered enough gumption to say this.

"You sir, please remove that 0 watts bulb hanging around your neck"

To be contd....

Its Rrrrrrrrrraining in Chennaiiiiiiiiiiiii

and WTF am i doing??? sitting in office and digging into the C++ code written by someone else...

there is a wonderful aphorism about digging into someone elses' code from Mr.P.Venkat, a Senior lecturer from the Dept of CSE in VIT. I can now realize the absolute truth in that piece of wisdom. how tersely worded and how appropriate. Venkat sir, I salute theeee......

How wonderful would it be to wear a jerkin and stroll down quiet streets in this weather with the words "Ill be your dreams, Ill be your wishes, Ill be your fantasies...." on ones lips. My heart pines for it. Will I ever get a chance to enjoy such simple pleasures every human is entitled to during his brief sojourn on planet earth. Hopefully sooner than later!!!

My work involves the sustenance of a massively distributed system that manages networks containing millions of nodes. As is the case with all massive applications, bugs are galore and everytime the customer finds a bug, the engineer who is responsible for fixing it will have his arse on fire. I just finished one and am about to take up another one.

Ah, the first rains of this monsoon. It is fantastic... With flowers blooming, fresh air and chill climate, having a stroll with absolutely no shit on your mind... that is bliss. Every nature would love this. Thankfully not all nature lovers are unfortunate like me, having to dig into some shitty code. Hopefully one day, Ill take up a job that would give me time for all this.

the lab was silent with everyone trying hard to appear to be coding to avoid being pulled up by the lab instructor. suddenly one of my friends, wanting to impress him, called him and asked him to debug his program. his program for the conversion of a multi level tree to a binary tree using mutual recursion would not work.

"dei unakku arivu illa. innoruthan codea debug panrathu, innoruthan pondatiya thetharathu mathiri. it is not possible. it is very difficult as you dont know the structure."

Me, Myself and my Alter

I am a gemini and as a consequence of which I have two personalities within myself. Often both are at loggerheads with each other. The first one is my normal self which is visible to everyone. The second one makes its presence felt whenever I am contemplating on some issue. It will rear its ugly head and pose all sorts of dumb questions that would really piss me off. By the end of it all it would have done its best to have me nonplussed and would have ensured that my decision making abilities are at an abyss. On its day, my alter would have been so succesfull that Id seriously start beleiving that my IQ/EQ/etc.. levels are rivalling that of a third rate moron. But on most days I do manage to scrape through without much damage.

Recently it reared its ugly head at the most uninvited moment and started asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions on my new found passion - blogging. On this occasion I was left high and dry and totally battered. My state at the end of it all - "Total Damage". This is what transpired between us then.

"Hey you dumbo... what are you doing sitting all alone in your house. Poor chap you are. What else can you do. You dont have a social life. You need a girl for that". That was my alter..

"Get lost dude... I am in no mood to entertain you now..."

"Thats OK man. Now that I am here, you ought to entertain me. You cannot wish me away. LOL. Tell me what you are thinking about now"

"Oh... get lost you miserable swine..."

"OK dude. I understand. You are thinking about the angular momentum of the seconds hand in your wrist watch right".

"Grrrrrrrrrr"

"Or are you contemplating ways and means of becoming REMO. Hahahaha. Forget it dude. You are totally incapable of anything remotely similar. You can constrain yourself to UNIX shell scripting, LV and such things that are totally bereft of even a scintilla of fun. You are not capable of things that normal guys of your age do so easily."

"Oh god. What did I do to endure all this crap... Someone please help me throw this guy out of me"

"Its OK man cool it. Its not as easy. Coming to the point, I know you like the back of my hand. I have been with you for a looooooong time machchi. Dont try to obfuscate your thoughts from me."

"Oh for gods sake. I am trying to identify points to add to my next blog. Please let me gloss over it in peace"

"Your blog!!!! I just have one question. What is the difference between you blogging your thoughts and I putting my thoughts in a notepad and storing in my PC"

"Elementary, my dear alter. If I blog my thoughts, it is on the internet and my fans/friends/well wishers all over the world can read it. Seems like you are out of touch with technology. Poor old alter"

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha. You ass. You cant even pick up sarcasm. What kind of a dumbo are you. If atleast one other person cares to read it, then there would be some use to it. Not a single person has cared to read it more than once. A couple of people probably read it immediately after that unabashed mail that you had sent begging people to read your blogspace. After that not a single soul would have bothered to visit this. Most probably theyd have deleted that mail too."

"Excuse me alter. You see, that 10 commandments was written by me a long time back and most of my friends knew it already and hence they didnt bother to comment on it. Also you seem to be totally oblivious to my contacts. People are indeed reading my blogs and are commenting on it... "

"Man, I am getting really bored of that evil laughter. Let me try a different version this time around. Heeeeeeheeeeeeoooooooolaaaaaaaaa..."

"and whats this for"

"for the joke of the millenium that you just cracked. how can you be so naive to say that people are commenting on your blog."

"Check it out man. I have four comments already. I am new to blogging. Also I do agree that I dont posses a great sense of humour but people do take me seriously. Remember, it all starts with a trickle but soon it will be a tsunami. People will start flocking to my blogspot and the day when I start getting atleast 15 comments on each of my posts is not far away..."

"Impossible. 15 comments on each of your posts. You must be joking. I know all about the virtues of having a BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goal. But this is just too much. Pigs will evolve into flying creatures before that will happen. Osama would have converted to Budhdhism. You need to be reborn again to get such things to happen. Face it dude. Some things are just not possible. One just needs to look at the current state of comments in your blog. 4 comments for 7 blogs. and the worst part, two out of the four comments are self comments. Yuk.. shit... ooovaeee... will be right back after i pewt. hold on...."

"Hey wait... what happened"

After a wait that seemed like ages he comes back...

"ok i'm back."... "hehehehehe.. i have a very good analogy for that"

"analogy for what and why did you have to pewt. were you drunk last night"

"I had to pewt for what you said ass. You know my brain is allergic to such outrageous thoughts. Hmmm..... One commenting on ones own blog as there is no one else to comment on it. you know what it sounds like..."

"shut up you pervert. I can get your innuendo. this is neither a X rated blog nor is this meant only for stags"

"Not a X rated blog. agreed. Not meant only for stags. Cant agree to that. OK you have not explicitly stated that this is only for guys. But the probability of a species from the opposite sex visiting your blog is nill. So by stating that this is not only for stags, you are implicity stating that you expect women to visit your blog. This according to me, in fact according to simple logic, is not possible. So in effect your blog is only for stags. In fact its only for two stags. One is you and the other unfortunate creature is myself. You know, sometimes I simply cannot comprehend on how someone can be Panglossian enough to assume such things."

"What simple logic...???"

"Elementary Logic da machchan. The only two women whom you know are your mom and your sister. your mom does not know how to hold the mouse and you sister hardly gets any net access. So no women has probably visited this blog and in all probability never will."

"What disgusting logic...."

"OOhhh aaah ooh aa!! Yes. Yes. Yes. I should probably be given a life time free membership to Mensa. My skills at reasoning is indeed improving by the day and at the moment it has crossed all theoretical limits for human intellignce. I should go and submit myself to SETI, Search for Extra terrestrial intelligence, as a specimen.

"Shit..."

"Also I think I should recommend you to some committee who can award you a prize for this achievement. No women contacts except mom and sister and you are a software professional and 23. I think you are well on your way towards becoming the most famous of Brahmachari cum software professional of the 21st century. please gimme your autograph now itself..."

"oh my god. you are really getting under my skin. I cant take it any more. GET LOOOOOOST"

"the pleasure is all mine. please stop blogging. check out this blog of OKA. http://sleepless-in-iima.blogspot.com/2005/08/fools-proof.html There were 56 comments just on that one post on last count. Now thats blogging. Please dont pollute this wonderful blogging community by publishing junk which no one ever cares to read, let alone comment upon. "

"Grrrrrrrrrr"