Me, Myself and my Alter

I am a gemini and as a consequence of which I have two personalities within myself. Often both are at loggerheads with each other. The first one is my normal self which is visible to everyone. The second one makes its presence felt whenever I am contemplating on some issue. It will rear its ugly head and pose all sorts of dumb questions that would really piss me off. By the end of it all it would have done its best to have me nonplussed and would have ensured that my decision making abilities are at an abyss. On its day, my alter would have been so succesfull that Id seriously start beleiving that my IQ/EQ/etc.. levels are rivalling that of a third rate moron. But on most days I do manage to scrape through without much damage.

Recently it reared its ugly head at the most uninvited moment and started asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions on my new found passion - blogging. On this occasion I was left high and dry and totally battered. My state at the end of it all - "Total Damage". This is what transpired between us then.

"Hey you dumbo... what are you doing sitting all alone in your house. Poor chap you are. What else can you do. You dont have a social life. You need a girl for that". That was my alter..

"Get lost dude... I am in no mood to entertain you now..."

"Thats OK man. Now that I am here, you ought to entertain me. You cannot wish me away. LOL. Tell me what you are thinking about now"

"Oh... get lost you miserable swine..."

"OK dude. I understand. You are thinking about the angular momentum of the seconds hand in your wrist watch right".

"Grrrrrrrrrr"

"Or are you contemplating ways and means of becoming REMO. Hahahaha. Forget it dude. You are totally incapable of anything remotely similar. You can constrain yourself to UNIX shell scripting, LV and such things that are totally bereft of even a scintilla of fun. You are not capable of things that normal guys of your age do so easily."

"Oh god. What did I do to endure all this crap... Someone please help me throw this guy out of me"

"Its OK man cool it. Its not as easy. Coming to the point, I know you like the back of my hand. I have been with you for a looooooong time machchi. Dont try to obfuscate your thoughts from me."

"Oh for gods sake. I am trying to identify points to add to my next blog. Please let me gloss over it in peace"

"Your blog!!!! I just have one question. What is the difference between you blogging your thoughts and I putting my thoughts in a notepad and storing in my PC"

"Elementary, my dear alter. If I blog my thoughts, it is on the internet and my fans/friends/well wishers all over the world can read it. Seems like you are out of touch with technology. Poor old alter"

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha. You ass. You cant even pick up sarcasm. What kind of a dumbo are you. If atleast one other person cares to read it, then there would be some use to it. Not a single person has cared to read it more than once. A couple of people probably read it immediately after that unabashed mail that you had sent begging people to read your blogspace. After that not a single soul would have bothered to visit this. Most probably theyd have deleted that mail too."

"Excuse me alter. You see, that 10 commandments was written by me a long time back and most of my friends knew it already and hence they didnt bother to comment on it. Also you seem to be totally oblivious to my contacts. People are indeed reading my blogs and are commenting on it... "

"Man, I am getting really bored of that evil laughter. Let me try a different version this time around. Heeeeeeheeeeeeoooooooolaaaaaaaaa..."

"and whats this for"

"for the joke of the millenium that you just cracked. how can you be so naive to say that people are commenting on your blog."

"Check it out man. I have four comments already. I am new to blogging. Also I do agree that I dont posses a great sense of humour but people do take me seriously. Remember, it all starts with a trickle but soon it will be a tsunami. People will start flocking to my blogspot and the day when I start getting atleast 15 comments on each of my posts is not far away..."

"Impossible. 15 comments on each of your posts. You must be joking. I know all about the virtues of having a BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goal. But this is just too much. Pigs will evolve into flying creatures before that will happen. Osama would have converted to Budhdhism. You need to be reborn again to get such things to happen. Face it dude. Some things are just not possible. One just needs to look at the current state of comments in your blog. 4 comments for 7 blogs. and the worst part, two out of the four comments are self comments. Yuk.. shit... ooovaeee... will be right back after i pewt. hold on...."

"Hey wait... what happened"

After a wait that seemed like ages he comes back...

"ok i'm back."... "hehehehehe.. i have a very good analogy for that"

"analogy for what and why did you have to pewt. were you drunk last night"

"I had to pewt for what you said ass. You know my brain is allergic to such outrageous thoughts. Hmmm..... One commenting on ones own blog as there is no one else to comment on it. you know what it sounds like..."

"shut up you pervert. I can get your innuendo. this is neither a X rated blog nor is this meant only for stags"

"Not a X rated blog. agreed. Not meant only for stags. Cant agree to that. OK you have not explicitly stated that this is only for guys. But the probability of a species from the opposite sex visiting your blog is nill. So by stating that this is not only for stags, you are implicity stating that you expect women to visit your blog. This according to me, in fact according to simple logic, is not possible. So in effect your blog is only for stags. In fact its only for two stags. One is you and the other unfortunate creature is myself. You know, sometimes I simply cannot comprehend on how someone can be Panglossian enough to assume such things."

"What simple logic...???"

"Elementary Logic da machchan. The only two women whom you know are your mom and your sister. your mom does not know how to hold the mouse and you sister hardly gets any net access. So no women has probably visited this blog and in all probability never will."

"What disgusting logic...."

"OOhhh aaah ooh aa!! Yes. Yes. Yes. I should probably be given a life time free membership to Mensa. My skills at reasoning is indeed improving by the day and at the moment it has crossed all theoretical limits for human intellignce. I should go and submit myself to SETI, Search for Extra terrestrial intelligence, as a specimen.

"Shit..."

"Also I think I should recommend you to some committee who can award you a prize for this achievement. No women contacts except mom and sister and you are a software professional and 23. I think you are well on your way towards becoming the most famous of Brahmachari cum software professional of the 21st century. please gimme your autograph now itself..."

"oh my god. you are really getting under my skin. I cant take it any more. GET LOOOOOOST"

"the pleasure is all mine. please stop blogging. check out this blog of OKA. http://sleepless-in-iima.blogspot.com/2005/08/fools-proof.html There were 56 comments just on that one post on last count. Now thats blogging. Please dont pollute this wonderful blogging community by publishing junk which no one ever cares to read, let alone comment upon. "

"Grrrrrrrrrr"