I was sitting at the beach yesterday evening at twilight time. The wind was steady, and it being the coolest time of the year in Chennai, it felt wonderful on the skin - gently caressing it all the time. Of course, not everyone were paying attention to it. Most were lost in conversations with their friends. Some were playing in the sand. I saw a young couple playing Frisbee. They were playing fairly expertly, at least at the level of my perception, and were not even shy of diving to catch the Frisbee mid air. The moment one got hold of the Frisbee, it was flung fast and furiously at the other person who would then continued the process. It was quite wonderful to watch them play the game so gracefully. The Frisbee, of course, had no choice in this matter. It kept bouncing between two end points and the journey between the polarities was controlled by the players and the wind.
Its been three weeks since her beloved passed away. She has been crying incessantly since then. These three weeks have been emotionally charged. One minor positive side effect of it was the silence of her mind in this period. She was sad. Period. Now that the emotional high is gone, the noisiness of the mind is making a return. She now tries to be philosophical. She recollects the things that her mom told her when her mom herself went through similar circumstances. She feels its not quite right to 'love' someone so deeply that you feel like your life ceases to be meaningful when they leave. She says its better to maintain some distance so that when the other person leaves, you still retain sanity. One definitely does pity her for she sure deserves a lot of empathy and compassion at this point. But, in addition, we can also learn from this behavior - for, when we ourselves go through similarly trying circumstances, we will be so lost that we will be able to hardly think then.
Its obvious that, long ago, once her mind found out that it could obtain some form of security for itself by 'surrendering' itself to another or by 'loving' another, decide to walk that path unto infinity without ever realizing that it cannot continue ad infinitum. Neither did it realize that it felt deeply insecure initially and hence it was looking for security. This insecurity was never addressed so long because it found the security in the other. But, now, when the other mind has disappeared, this mind has lost the security and the comfort position. It now struggles for it does not know what to do next. It feels totally lost and by its own admission, it feels like it is drifting aimlessly in the open sea. It has reached one end point. So, it wants to move towards the other end point now and hence feels 'loving less' would be better. To me, this certainly does seem like the Frisbee that constantly moved between the two end points without any volition of its own. But, is there an escape from this? The Frisbee of course has none. But, ain't the human mind more capable than just bouncing between the polarities?
When we ourselves are in such a situation, all we can do is be carried by the emotional pangs. But, when others are in such a situation, besides empathizing with them, we could also try and understand the working of their mind. Of course, this is not done to look down upon them. But, because, for the vast majority of us, the states of our mind are quite similar. So by observing someone else bouncing between polarities, we will also learn to observe ourselves bouncing between polarities. This self observation or self knowledge is immensely powerful and will equip us with the rudders to travel through emotionally charged situations. Constant observation of ones own mind and that of others will improve the scope of our self-knowledge to all the pairs of polarities between which our minds keep bouncing (happiness - sadness, career highs - career lows, love - hate, life - death etc..). Slowly, with practice, we might even realize that this travelling between polarities is nothing but an addiction. And at that point, like Neo (matrix) suddenly realizing that he is the one and stopping the bullets, we will suddenly awaken and stop this journey between polarities. And that is the moment one awakens to the higher self.
5 comments:
when we lost our loved one ..we cant stop love other .. "time is the medicine" the pain will comedown and love will turn to other person .. i am sure she will start loving her grandson/daughter the same way she did to her husband... our mind will think ..his soul back in this kid...and she start live her life.. all the best... life is just a journey ..too much anlayzing will lost the gud scenecric view in the side of the road... but cry when u hav to cry...laugh when u can laugh... dont hide anyfeeling saying u r matured and learnt so many...
In your favored line of philosophical reasoning, you stress the virtues of being unaffected by happenings, emotions etc.
I detect a level of evangelical certainty in your posts which may or may not be beneficial.
Is this (below) an entirely different perspective?
I don't know.
However, it seems to me that we must all "be aware of" and "beware of" too strong a belief in any system of certainty
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In the 1990s, Damasio found that when certain parts of the orbitofrontal cortex are damaged, patients lose most of their emotional lives. They report that when they ought to feel emotion, they feel nothing, and studies of their autonomic reactions (such as those used in lie detector tests) confirm that they lack the normal flashes of bodily reaction that the rest of us experience when observing scenes of horror or beauty. Yet their reasoning and logical abilities are intact. They perform normally on tests of intelligence and knowledge of social rules and moral principles.
So what happens when these people go out into the world? Now that they are free of the distractions of emotion, do they become hyperlogical, able to see through the haze of feelings that blinds the rest of us to the path of perfect rationality? Just the opposite. They find themselves unable to make simple decisions or to set goals, and their lives fall apart. When they look out at the world and think, “What should I do now?” they see dozens of choices but lack immediate internal feelings of like or dislike. They must examine the pros and cons of every choice with their reasoning, but in the absence of feeling they see little reason to pick one or the other. When the rest of us look out at the world, our emotional brains have instantly and automatically appraised the possibilities. One possibility usually jumps out at us as the obvious best one. We need only use reason to weigh the pros and cons when two or three possibilities seem equally good.
Human rationality depends critically on sophisticated emotionality.
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http://www.happinesshypothesis.com/chapters.html
the idea of maintaining equanimity is like maintaining good health, in my view that is...
so, if an individual does not see the loss of equanimity as suffering.. does not see that he/she is not under control of whats happening when they lose equanimity, then of course they wouldn't do it...
so that answers the evangelical certainty part I guess.. because, i am suggesting that it is the choice of an individual!
interesting excerpt from the book... :) the point is not about being able to make so called rationally correct decisions! :) its more about trying to understand ones conditionings, fears and desires.. and to realize that many of our actions are so motivated by these hidden fears and desires.. I feel / think / experienced, that these things are understood only when one comes face to face with ones own fears..
for e.g., assume one has enough money to feed oneself and stay minimally but comfortably for few years.. and assume one quits his job at that point.. I am sure if the person had been working for years till then, then the person will wake up many a times in the morning with a cold feeling, a fear of 'ones own future'.. only when one experiences something like this and is totally aware of it while it is happening.. only then, one will know what fear is..
and staying clear of such fears has nothing to do with losing the 'sophisticated emotionality' that jonathan haidt talks about in the excerpt! :)
@Sriram, I guess the distinction is one of polarity - Its not about being cold (i.e. indifferent)to the situation all the time, it is about being warm (i.e. ready/proactively involved with) to it. Its an interesting line of questioning nevertheless, as it is something to stay away from - for which, a person must understand the distinction in practice for hirself.
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