Saturday, October 03, 2009

Not so flattering remarks on parenting

I have some not so flattering thoughts on parenting, and in particular asian and even more particular, Indian style of parenting. The remarks are not intended to be brutal or unflattering. They, in my inquiry, seems to be the truth. But, they do appear to be unflattering.

Why do people have kids? In my opinion, most people have kids for one of the following reasons: (a) They want to enjoy the act of being with kids and get the pleasure of going through the motion of bringing them up (b) The society (friends, family, neighbors, neighbors aunts third cousin), at least in non-metropolitan areas, is usually not very kind to couples without kids, and hence out of pressure (c) In the heat of the moment, they have unprotected sex. There could be other reasons but these are the primary ones. There is of course nothing wrong with this and this is not the unflattering remarks that I referred to.

But then, there are responsibilities and duties that go with parenting. If one has a kid, then it is ones responsibility to ensure that the kid has a healthy body, sharp intellect and if not awakened, at least an open mind! Of course, most people attempt to do one or more of these. But, they want their kids to 'repay' them for this and that is trouble! Of course not in monetary terms - but in terms of honor, pride, expectations etc etc.

The kids are usually not given freedom to do what they want, to explore themselves and to express themselves. This is many times true even when the kids themselves are adults. 'Oh! I did so much for you, and now look what you are doing?', 'You let my honor and pride down' etc etc etc and much more emotional but meaningless statements like this. What they did for the kids was their duty. The kids of course are responsible for bodies of their parents when the parents are too old to fend for themselves, company during the lonely final days, and really truly owe them nothing else! Parents unfortunately don't seem to realize this. They are so much emotionally dependent on their kids and that really does not augur well for their relationship with their kids, especially when the parents are old. This will only lead to frustration and disappointment.

No comments: